Customs, North American style

Customs although extremely serious in nature, can often be a joke if not boardering  on the ridiculous. I take my example from North American customs who, according to their propaganda whilst moving through, "pledge" to do almost everything under the sun. Pledge seems to be a word they have taken on board as it is often used in formal occasions or occasions of high importance, therefor it may have more significance to the American people, but to the average Aussie I think not.

It all starts on the drive to the the Departures sector. Police, and lots of them, with big guns, mainly shotties, make you stop the car. If you look suss they have a big mirror to search under the car like they're looking for illegal aliens, if not you get waved through but you know their are no smiling eyes behind those aviators.

Leaving Canada to fly to anywhere in the states requires you to jump through a series of hoops, each more ridiculous than the last. In fact my recent travel experience would tell me this is the case when travel to the States from anywhere. You "leave" Canada, I say "leave" because as soon as you cross into customs, you're on USA soil. What the? Canada or even Montreal from which I was flying out, a country with a fierce Quebecois sector, believing it's self to have the resources to form an independent country (don't make me laugh) yet still part of the Commonwealth (well, they still compete in the Commonwealth Games!) but they're customs is being run and medalled with by Uncle Sam. Makes perfect sense!

Off to see the first bit of uselessness then! The ad-hoc x-ray machines they have so carefully installed. After lining up for an hour or more to check in, you now take your own bags over the the x-ray machine which has been carefully placed in the middle of the terminal between check in counters. So you line up again for an hour to have your bags screened. And they still didn't find my compressed air canisters....Sorry, they did and when asked I said I wasn't sure what they were talking about and they let it through. (Is that a gun sir? No. Okay then on you go! But you can't take water through....WTF?)

Next it's having your boarding pass stamped by a very unhappy person. Maybe they are so unhappy because they realise their job is worthless. You have a boarding pass, here's a stamp that has the word "pledge in it somewhere for you, off you go. Yet you could very easily walk around behind this person and up the stairs with out them noticing...to security screening. Oh how I love security screening. You wanna smell my shoes? OK! Here you go, in the tray for you! Laptop in it's own tray, but remember, very important not to place anything else in with it, especially on top, cause, you know, the x-ray machine wont be able to see it then? I even had to take my sunglasses off, which are plastic and never set the metal detector off. Not sure what they achieved by scanning those, maybe to see if they were x-ray glasses? Do you have liquids in here sir? Yes I have a bottle of water, in the side pocket in plain view for you to see, why do you ask? Liquids are prohibited. Really? Even water, an essential element that makes up more than 80% of the human body? Well i'll be! Maybe you shouldn't let all these people on board, incase the water they are made of is explosive! Take double care with the fatties!!

So it's now mandatory to fill in even more paperwork (there's a section on there asking for your rectal temperature) give finger prints and have your photo taken (smlie!) so they can track your every move and examine your name to see if it's a little too foreign for them, plus pick over every detail of your photo (got brown hair, eyes, tanned skin, stubble? Maybe a mustache? Funny last name? You will be singled out for "special treatment", sounds like something that happened back sometime around the Second World War.....)

I had my boarding pass reprimanded and told I would be searched and so would my back, must've been having a bad hair day. After not setting off the main metal detector, that wasn't good enough for them so I was scanned with the individual one. Still nothing, nothing, nothing, bingo! What's this then? Two dimes in your pocket! You're nicked! Shoes on, laptop away, bag search (and he didn't even find the pocket on the bottom for the helmet holder,slakcer!) pat down (didn't find my lip balm) and off I go to do nothing but sit near the gate for hours on end.

Oh the joys of the circus.

Quebec

I liked Quebec, it's charm, the place we stayed, distinctly less American. But it's back through Montreal to Bromont in Old Gold, ya!!

Bromont is sweet, nestled below one of the smallest ski hills i've seen, it makes Thredbo look massive. Our accom was a nice little cottage positioned in the sticks with the promise of WiFi, sleeps 6 and self catering. It was one of those, but charming none the less. The owner was a delight, even offering her home internet just around the corner to compensate. We later found matresses in the wardrobe to sleep the extra two, but after we'd been there 4 of 6 nights with one of us on the couch. The upshot of theses things was our own private beach on a fresh water lake, with nice warm water and a "pedalo". You know, one of those pedal boats, old red. Great for recovery sessions and getting far enough out that you couldn't touch the slimey, weed covered bottom. Ewwww.

The course was to my liking, technical, singletrack, rocky and dry. A Canada Cup was held here not more than 3 weeks ago and it rained to hard you'd have thought it was a boat show. They had done extensive work on the tracks to improve drainage but it didn't look like it was warranted.

Until we went for an arvo roll and got bucketed on. Right, now I see. The humidity alone is enough to make you think it's Illanbah and if it didn't rain to break it i'm sure we would've needed oxygen.

So prepare for a boat show we did, mud tyres, a mud guard that looked like i'd won the meat tray at the local and rain jackets were in order. Till Friday. Then it stopped, dried up and I was thankful to be thinking about putting the dry wide tyres back on as i'd had some problems with flats during practice. Slippery in the wet, but the roots and rocks don't get any softer. Ideally a 2 inch mud tyre is the go. Lesson learnt for next time.

Race day and it was muddy for the juniors, dry for the women, then on que 1hr before the mens start it opened up and the scurry was made back to mud tyres. And it didn't stop. I wasn't discouraged by it at all, it's part and parcel of riding, and having ridden the course in the wet I was comfortable, even finding a few nice lines on the D's (descent) to make up time.

I started much better and felt better too, coming through lap one in 70th feeling OK, having started 82nd. The first climb was exactly that, a climb as we ran the entire thing (which destroyed the course) due to the mud and the size of the field/lack of a start loop. Starting lap 2 it's like my legs packed it in, again. What the hell? I didn't think I went out that hard, but maybe I was wrong? Either way I was sliding backwards off the hill without a trace. Having only lost 3:30 on the first lap I had a positive outlook, then despair, then frustration, then anger, none of which made me magically go faster. My D was good, smashing the good lines, railing corners and making ppl look stupid. But I lost so much time on the climb that again, come end of lap 4 I was pulled.

I always knew that to achieve what I set out to do maybe wasn't realistic and I was prepared for what happened, I thought. But when it actually happens and you fail to realise something you set out to do and had been set on for so long, it's hard to take. I don't feel like i've wasted my time, on the contrary, I'm sure i'll come away from this the better for it. But to realise the bitter disappointment by being dragged off the course, and knowing I can race better than I did, that I can be better than my results suggest, that cuts.

Mont Saint-Anne

World Cup Mont Saint Anne has held a race here without fail for around 15 years. Massive history here, so it's nice to be involved. And that's about all I ever was, involved. I never got my head around the track, not sure why. Rooty, rocky and once it rained, very slippery. the UCI even intervened to put a last minute B-line down the Squirrel - a step section full of rocks that once wet, you couldn't slow down, just steer and hope.

Practice makes perfect, i'm told. And so I did, everyday, without fail, even in the rain and it did make me more at ease. But come race day it all went out the window, especially on the climbs. My legs both deserted me and felt like dessert, like a meraingue left in the rain too long. I couldn't hit any of the lines I had in practice and this culminated in lasting 4 of 6 laps before being mown down by the lead moto, I mean Julien Absalon. I often get them mixed up.

Still I can could draw on this and use it to my benefit when we hit the next WC round in Bromont in a week.

Montreal

Montreal city has a certain lack of charm. For somewhere that is supposed to be a Quebecois hotspot of culture, mixed with North American stylings. It's really just a snooty north american city, nothing more. Burger joints, obese people drinking gallon Cokes and Grand Lattes topped with cream and worst of all.....filtered coffee.

I was lucky/unlucky enough to be staying gratis at friends extended family, keeping my footprint small and helping where I could. We hired "old gold" hannah montanna made by the now defunct Pontiac brand, backed by GM, Buick, Cheverolet and nearly every other brand of car being sold in the USA right now. Even though GMC say on their ads "Two cars can't share the same market space" reffering to clearing old stock.....but they can make the same car, just with different names on it? And that's enough to fool people into buying them? I digress...

The squirrels are cool.

And so it's off to Quebec city, which I am looking forward to. The 3hr drive not so. But it flies by as we play with every gadget Old Gold has including but not limited to: Auto sliding side doors (how lazy are ppl here!) DVD screen, infrared headphones for the back and a compressor built into the back quarter panel, handy for those pre race tyre changes maybe....shame it didn't work, like a lot of things on the car.

Quebec has a much richer history and even more snootiness about it, but that fits with the whole theme of the city, built around it's old town. It works. It would work even better if they had real coffee. We stayed very accommodating extended family again which was superb. These ppl loved having visitors, even thought they spent most of the summer on their boat in the harbor renovating it. And they didn't speak much English, which was good I think. I spent most conversations getting the jist of things, nodding, giving single word answers, but laughing all the same when required. Shame my French is so shoddy, but then, even if it was good, they speak "Quebecois" so they mightn't have understood me anyway.

And so it's off to Mont Saint-Anne, via bike as we hit our first race of the 3 weeks. An 80km point to point, which would be a perfect warm up and to rid myself of "Aerolegs"

It would be if it was dry. Instead MASSIVE bog holes, mud and all associated greeted us. But we left with no brake pads, rooted cables, ghost shifting and $125CAD for 5th, just enough to cover entry and a rebuild.

Mont Saint-Anne isn't big. You think ski towns are, but even the hill is small. It has nothing on the European resorts for size, but much more for technical riding. And rain, much more rain. I'll thank the Magura boys for saving my bacon with free brakepads, when I couldn't find them anywhere. Little used brand of brake yes, but they work so well so i'll be stocking up when home.

Don't fly Delta

So it's off to Canada for some world cup action! My first outside of Aust and hopefully an experience to remember.

The first thing to remember is not to book with Delta Airlines. If you have a bike you will be charged an extraordinary amount to take it with you. Really you could freight it over cheaper and with insurance for what they charge. $376AUD and you still have to sign the waiver! What a joke! And they were 3hrs delayed! Extortion!

A sign of things to come?